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Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Confessions of a Movie Theater Employee: Christmas Edition

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of COAMTE!  I know it has been quite a while since I have done one of these blogs, but this has been a very busy Fall for me.  Nevertheless, I thought I would do a special Christmas Edition of this series.  I know I'm a little late for Christmas as well, but I think you will find this is a post which is very important no matter what time of year.  Below you will find a Christmas tale told (mostly) in rhyme, that illustrates why Christmas just may be the worst day of the year to go see a movie...

On Christmas morning, there is always such joy.
Unless, of course, you're in the movie theater's employ.
For on those Christmases, there is no time for fun.
Presents must be opened early and quickly; family time is done.
Why, do you ask?  Who would cause something so drear?
It's the public, I tell you, they demand movies to give them Christmas cheer.

For on Christmas morning, only two places open their doors:
The movie theater and the Waffle House, both known for sticky floors.
(Not even Wal-Mart succumbs to such evil!)
Pleas that Christmas should be sacred this place ignores.

Now sit back and I'll let you hear
A tale of why you should avoid the movie theater on Christmas each year.

Now do not think this story is just my time to complain.
It is just that I feel this is something I should explain.
Just know this is all only meant to entertain.

We all love the movies and the theater is a fun place to go,
But Christmas is absolutely the one time to say no.
The crowds are just awful, trust me it's true.
No movie can make braving such throngs worth it, no matter how new.
"How bad can these crowds be?  You must be over-blowing this fear!"
I tell you, Christmas is the most busy movie theater day of the year.

I did not always dread Christmas, it was not something to do.
Working at the theater changed my perception of that holiday, I promise you.
The crowds were unruly, the customers were rude
It is quite disconcerting how people treat those who serve their food.

These crowds never seemed to care which film was playing.
Water Horse, Four Christmases, even Sweeney Todd; the box office they were slaying.
It could have been anything, no matter what it was about.
Most assuredly each movie was guaranteed to sell out.

These crowds are why I would wake each Christmas forlorn
Who would have thought so much suffering could be had serving popcorn?

So what exactly is the point of this poem?
These are the facts about movie theater Christmases, I wanted you to know them.
Let this writing guide you, may it serve as a warning...

When a movie is what you want to go see Christmas morning,
Just stay at home, you just opened lots of new things.
Going to a movie on Christmas only takes from the joy family time brings.
We all get tired of family sometimes, but don't make cinema that escape.
There are plenty of options for how your Christmas may take shape.

"This cannot all be true, surely you jest!"
Trust me, dear reader, when it comes to movie theaters at Christmas, this time...


Well, I hope you enjoyed my little Christmas poem.  I know it is not much, but it speaks to something that is very true of working at a movie theater.  It is one of the greatest jobs in the world, but Christmas is definitely a black spot on that joy.  Christmas should be a great day where we take the time to focus on those we love, and spreading joy to those who have none.  You know I love myself some movies, but perhaps Christmas should be a day where we take a step away from that.  The movies that open on Christmas will still be playing the day after, I promise.  I can't force you to go or not go to a movie theater on Christmas, but if you are like me and think it is a holiday best spent with family...then why deprive the theater employees of that basic joy?

What do you think about seeing movies on Christmas?  Good idea or bad one?  Do you make a tradition of it?  Sound off in the comments below!
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